Sunday, August 7, 2011

Life's Elusive Balance

Yesterday afternoon my wife Theo required me to put down my paint brush (been trying to get the trim on my house painted all Summer) and join her for an afternoon of relaxing somewhere with a view.  We ended up at Methven Family Vineyards where we (including the dog) sat for a couple hours on their shaded patio which overlooks a lovely vineyard sharing a bottle of their 2007 Reserve Pinot Noir, crackers, and some emmentaler cheese.  As much as I resisted giving up one of the few "unscheduled" weekend days I've had to get work done around the house I found our afternoon escape refreshing and a stark reminder of what I have missed from my life the past few years.

About three years I vividly remember standing next to Theo in the kitchen when she informed me that she planned to apply to a Physical Therapy Assistant (PTA) program at Mt. Hood Community College (Portland, OR).  She was going to change careers.  Theo had been a medical laboratory technologist for more than 30 years and had a good paying job at a large oncology practice.  However, the culture associated with her work environment had severely soured over the years to the point where she loathed going to work.  I could see the stress and dread associated with the job creeping into all aspects of her life.  She needed to make a change and I needed to support the move.

Sending Theo back to school was not a trivial venture.  The problem with the Mt. Hood program was that it would require Theo to quit working for two years while she completed the program.  When I sat down and did the math (i.e. the mortgage for whatever reason wasn't willing to pay itself) it was clear the Mt. Hood program was not going to work.  I had been dabbling in hybrid education and thought that perhaps someone out there in cyberspace might offer a hybrid PTA program where Theo good do coursework at home.  As it worked out there one such program in the entire country.  It was offered through Whatcom Community College in Bellingham, WA.  This was really too good to be true because our son Sean was in graduate school at Western Washington University (also in Bellingham).  We went up for a visit and Theo actually liked the Whatcom program better than the program at Mt. Hood.  Thus began our intense two and a half year venture.

Theo's motivation for our relaxing venture to Methven's patio yesterday was simply to clear her mind because this morning she sits for her national PTA board exam.  This marks the end of a journey in which she endured nine quarters of full-time employment and full-time school.  It marks the end of my having to carry extra responsibilities so that Theo had the time to be successful at both work and school.  Yesterday we had time to dump some stress by intentionally taking down time in a way that we had not done in several years.  Our simple excursion made clear just how critical all the walks, McDonald's dates, and other "escapes" were to all aspects of our health.  After today we have the opportunity to once again have them as part of our lives.

I was talking to one of the administrators at the university a while back and mentioned to him that our job responsibilities were constantly added to but that I could never recall any responsibilities being taken away.  In retrospect it seems as if this is true of life in general.  We constantly seem to have "things" added to our lives whether or not it be by choice.  In the end the adjustments we most often make result in the reduction of our personal space which will eventually threaten our physical and emotional health, our relationships, and our spiritual lives.  When this happens life is no longer in balance.  The results of this lack of balance can be seen in the faces of those we encounter each and every day.  Reclaiming personal space sometimes involves tough and difficult choices.  For Theo it meant leaving a secure, high-paying job.  For me it meant cutting administrative responsibilities at the university which became a parasite on my time (another story).  I truly believe that the caring service you provide to others whether it be professional or out of compassion is important and necessary.  But the effectiveness and motivation for such service will always be tainted and degraded if your own life is in poor repair.

Theo and I have not yet achieved the balance we desire but after today are one step further down the road to getting there.  Good luck in your own journey towards that often elusive state.

Cheers

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